Épisode L'anniversaire S01E01 - This Is Us Saison 1

Chronologie (approximative) :
1980 (31 août, 36e anniversaire de Jack)
2016 (31 août, 36e anniversaire de Kevin, Randall et Kate)

***

[Écran noir]

« C'est un fait établi: Selon Wikipédia, un être humain a le même anniversaire que 18 millions d'autres personnes. Il n'y a aucune preuve que de partager le même anniversaire crée un lien quelconque entre ces personnes. S'il y en a un, Wikipédia ne l'a pas encore trouvé. »  

[Passage vers le titre : This Is Us]

[1980 - Chez les Pearson ]

Jack est assis sur le lit, nu, couvert de la Terrible Towel que Rebecca lui a offerte. Sa femme arrive, portant son soutien-gorge sur son t-shirt, un petit gâteau à la main, tentant de négocier pour ne pas faire la danse d'anniversaire cette année. Comme Jack insiste, elle se met à danser en chantonnant, pour respecter la tradition, mais le fêté trouve cela très drôle.

[2016 - Chez Kate]

Kate regarde dans son réfrigérateur où de nombreuses notes laissées un peu partout lui rappellent de ne pas se succomber à la tentation. On y voit, entre autres, un gâteau d'anniversaire pour ses 36 ans.

Elle quitte le réfrigérateur pour monter sur le pèse-personne.

[2016 - Au bureau de Randall]

Randall est à son bureau où il reçoit une alerte pour un nouveau courriel, ayant pour objet «Good News» («Bonne nouvelle»). Il n'a pas le temps de le lire puisque ses collègues arrivent pour lui souhaiter un joyeux anniversaire et lui offrir un gâteau.

[2016 - Chez Kevin]

Kevin est dans la chambre, entouré de deux jeunes femmes qui dansent devant lui. Il leur dit qu'il a 36 ans aujourd'hui.

[1980 - Chez les Pearson]

Rebecca se couche en continuant à chanter, disant qu'elle se trouve grosse. Jack souffle la bougie sur son gâteau et parle à ses enfants dans le ventre de leur mère.

[2016 - Au bureau de Randall]

Randall lit finalement le courriel qu'il a reçu. Celui-ci indique que la personne recherchée a été retrouvée. L’homme s'appelle William Hill. Le message inclut également l'âge, une photo et l'adresse.

[2016 - Chez Kate]

Kate est toujours dans la salle de bain. Elle s'est dévêtue et enlève ses boucles d'oreilles pour peser le moins possible sur le pèse-personne. Elle monte tranquillement sur la balance et bascule vers l'arrière.

[1980 - Chez les Pearson]

Jack et Rebecca s'apprêtent à faire l'amour, lorsqu'elle perd ses eaux.

[2016 - Chez Kevin]

Kevin explique aux deux jeunes femmes que tout va mal pour lui depuis la désintégration de Challenger en 1986, alors qu'il était en 2e année (CE1), alors qu'il avait 7 ans. C'est comme ça qu'il s'est rendu compte que d'essayer de changer le monde ne donnait rien. Cela expliquerait même comment il est devenu The Manny.

Il reçoit un appel de sa soeur, Kate.

[2016 - Chez Kate]

Kevin arrive chez Kate. Elle est assise sur le sol de la salle de bain. Kevin approche un pot de crème glacée sur sa cheville enflée, car elle n'a pas de glaçons. Il lui offre une cuillère qu'elle refuse. Ils discutent de leur 36e anniversaire, de leur vie... et de l'explosion de Challenger. Avec l'aide de Kevin, Kate se convainc qu'elle doit perdre ses kilos en trop.

 

[1980 - À l'hôpital]

Rebecca est alitée et Jack fait les cent pas dans la chambre d'hôpital. Il s'arrête pour s'asseoir auprès de sa femme et ils discutent du fait qu'il partagera la même date d'anniversaire que ses enfants, mais ils s'inquiètent du fait que leur naissance arrive six semaines plus tôt que prévu. Jack se relève, prend des instruments médicaux. C'est à ce moment que l'obstétricien arrive. Dr. Nathan Katowski se présente aux jeunes parents, leur expliquant que le Dr Schneider est absent �à cause d'une rupture d'appendicite. Cela stresse un peu Rebecca, mais il réussit à la rassurer.

 

[1980 - Sur le plateau de The Manny]

L'animateur de foule amuse le public. Le tournage de la première scène de The Manny commence. Kevin, dans son personnage, descend l'escalier avec un bébé dans les bras, il tente de l'allaiter pour qu'il se porte mieux. Mais, l'acteur, voyant que ce scénario n'a aucun sens, s'arrête. Le tournage est donc en pause et Kevin discute de la scène avec Casey, le scénariste. Ce dernier lui indique que, s'il ne veut pas continuer, il pourrait le remplacer par n'importe quel autre acteur, dont Ryan Gosling, lui faisant comprendre qu'il a de la chance d'avoir ce travail. Ils se préparent à recommencer à filmer la scène.

[2016 - Au terrain de soccer]

Randall regarde Annie jouer au soccer, mais celle-ci, assise par terre, est plutôt occupée à tresser les cheveux d'une amie. Sur le terrain voisin, Beth encourage Tess, qui donne le meilleur d'elle-même, faisant même tomber quelques joueurs adverses. Les deux parents échangent leur place. Beth encourage donc Annie pour ses tresses françaises, tout en voyant de façon positive le fait que sa fille ait une nouvelle amie. Randall en profite pour avouer à sa femme qu'il a retrouvé son père biologique, lui disant qu'il avait engagé un détective. Toutefois, il lui dit qu'il ne veut pas le voir et il lui raconte que sa mère, une droguée, est morte en lui donnant naissance et que son père l'a abandonné dans une station de pompier. Il n'est toutefois pas capable de lui expliquer pourquoi il l'a retrouvé. La discussion s'arrête, car Tess a marqué un but.

[2016 - Chez Kate, à l'extérieur]

Kate sort et jette toute sa malbouffe dans sa poubelle extérieure. Elle demande à une voisine qui allait jeter le sac de son chien pour le récupérer et elle vide le tout dans sa poubelle pour s'assurer de ne plus y retoucher.

[2016 - À une rencontre d'un groupe de régime]

Tanya, l'animatrice du groupe se présente et explique son cheminement. Les gens applaudissent et se présentent à leur tour. Parmi ceux-ci se trouve Madison, une jeune femme mince qui considère qu'elle a du poids en trop. Toby n'apprécie vraiment pas le commentaire et fait mine de se tirer une balle, ce qui amuse Kate. D'ailleurs, le jeune homme semble bien s'amuser des propos de certains participants, ce qui crée un malaise, surtout que seule Kate semble trouver ses remarques amusantes.

À la pause, Kate se prend un café et Toby vient discuter avec elle. Ils se présentent et jasent un peu. Il lui dit qu'il ne perdra possiblement pas le poids qu'il a en trop. Toutefois, lorsqu'elle affirme qu'elle ne pourra pas tomber amoureuse de quelqu'un d'obèse, il lui dit, avec confiance, que dans ce cas il mincira.

 

[1980 - À l'hôpital]

Rebecca a une contraction, Jack lui dit de respirer. Ils discutent un peu jusqu'à l'arrivée du docteur. Ce dernier veut aborder les possibles difficultés de la grossesse, mais Jack ne veut rien entendre. Le  médecin doit être aussi convaincu que lui que tout se déroulera bien. Dr K lui dit qu'il les aime bien et qu'il fera de son mieux pour que la famille retourne à la maison avec trois bébés en parfaite santé.

[2016 - Au bureau de Randall]

Randall demande à sa secrétaire de libérer son horaire de l'après-midi et il quitte le travail. Il prend sa voiture et se rend à Philadelphie.

[2016 - Chez William, à l'extérieur]

Randall sonne à une porte et se veut un peu insistant. Dès que la porte s'ouvre, Randall se présente à l'homme lui disant qu'il est son fils et qu'il a réussi sa vie, même si son père l'a abandonné. Il affirme qu'il ne venait que pour lui dire ça, pas plus. Mais, William l'invite à entrer et il accepte.

 

[2016 - Chez William, à l'intérieur]

Ils restent là, à discuter, sans se dire grand-chose : Randall veut que William parle et celui-ci n'a rien à dire. Il finira par lui avouer qu'il se souvient à peine de cette journée, où il a abandonné son fils, car il se droguait beaucoup à cette époque. Il se souvient d'avoir vu sa copine mourir. Randall lui dit que, en fait, il est venu pour l'envoyer promener, ce qu'il fait. Il quitte la pièce, mais il revient pour inviter William à rencontrer ses deux filles. William accepte avec plaisir l'invitation.

 

[2016 - Dans les coulisses de The Manny]

Alors que Kevin est sur la chaise de maquillage, Alan Thicke arrive. Kevin le remercie d'avoir accepté de participer à l'épisode. Ils discutent de la scène. Alan se dirige vers le plateau.

[2016 - Sur le plateau]

Le tournage d'une nouvelle scène commence avec une discussion entre les personnages interprétés par Kevin et Alan Thicke. À la fin de la scène, assez dramatique, le public applaudit. Kevin va féliciter Casey pour le texte. Le scénariste lui dit toutefois qu'il doit tourner une scène alternative, plus légère, plus appropriée à la série qui est une comédie. Il se prépare à tourner une nouvelle scène, mais Kevin ne partage plus cette vision des choses. Donc, pendant que l'animateur de foule continue d'amuser le public, juste avant que le tournage ne reprenne, il prend un des bébés et la frappe sur le berceau. Il dit au public de ne pas s'inquiéter, que ce n’est qu’une poupée, et que tout est faux dans cette série. Il poursuit sa crise sur le plateau pendant que les spectateurs le filment avec leur téléphone. Pendant ce temps, sur le plateau, Alan, qui fait partie de la scène, le regarde étrangement. Kevin dira que si la série est mauvaise ce n'est ni à cause du scénariste ni à cause du réseau, mais que c'est de la faute au public qui regarde cette comédie qui est si mauvaise. Il dit qu'il a honte d'avoir accepté ce contrat pour de l'argent et que le public devrait avoir honte de l'avoir rendu célèbre. Il finit sa crise en donnant sa démission et il quitte la scène.

[1980 - À l'hôpital]

Rebecca est sur le point d'accoucher. Elle donne naissance au premier bébé, un garçon, qui semble en bonne santé. Rebecca ne se sent pas bien, les infirmières lui donnent de l'oxygène. Ils font sortir Jack de la salle d'accouchement.

[2016 - Chez Randall]

Randall arrive chez lui avec William, ce qui surprend Beth. Ils font les présentations. Pendant que William fait connaissance avec Tess et Annie, Randall tente d'expliquer sa décision à Beth, mais il ne comprend pas lui-même pourquoi il a invité William, un homme qu'il ne connait pas et par lequel il a été abandonné, à venir chez lui.

[2016 - Au restaurant]

Kate et Toby discutent autour d'un bon repas. Vient l'heure des desserts. Toby semble en vouloir un, mais Kate insiste pour qu'ils s'abstiennent. Donc, il jette un oeil à la carte, mais ne commande rien.

[2016 - Chez Kate]

Kate et Toby discutent devant la porte d'entrée et il insiste pour qu'elle l'invite à entrer. Elle finit par lui proposer d’entrer, pour un dernier verre d'eau.

À l'intérieur, ils regardent des vidéos sur Internet. Toby veut coucher avec Kate, mais elle lui dit qu'elle ne veut pas. En fait, elle se corrige, disant que si, elle veut, mais elle précise que ça fait longtemps et qu'elle ne se trouve pas très jolie. Ils sont sur le point de s'embrasser lorsque Kevin entre chez elle. Toby reconnait The Manny et il prend un égoportrait avec lui. Kevin explique à Kate la crise qu'il a faite sur le plateau. Ils regardent, tous les trois, la vidéo de la crise de Kevin sur le plateau de The Manny.

[1980 - À l'hôpital]

Jack patiente dans le corridor lorsque Dr K vient le retrouver pour lui donner des nouvelles de Rebecca. Il lui dira que sa femme va bien, que le 2e bébé est une fille et qu'elle va bien également. Malheureusement, ils ont perdu le 3e bébé, un garçon, à cause du cordon ombilical qui l'a privé d'oxygène. Jack a du mal à se faire à cette idée et à digérer toutes les informations. Il veut voir sa femme. Le docteur K s'assoit avec Jack et il lui parle de sa femme qui est décédée et de son premier enfant, mort à l'accouchement. Malgré le nombre d'enfants qu'il a mis au monde durant les 50 ans qu'il a exercé son métier, il n'y a pas une journée où il ne pense pas au bébé perdu. Il dit à Jack qu'il espère que, dans quelques années, le jeune père aura, tout comme lui, pris le citron le plus aigre que la vie lui a donné pour le transformer en limonade. Dr K quitte Jack en lui conseillant d'aller voir ses bébés.

[2016 - Chez Randall]

Randall et William discutent des parents adoptifs de Randall et de son arrivée dans cette famille. Alors que William s'apprête à partir, Randall lui propose de rester. Comme il semble vouloir insister, William lui dit qu'il est mourant. Il lui dit que son père doit être fier de lui et il s'apprête à partir.

[2016 - Chez Kate]

Kevin, Kate et Toby boivent du vin. Alors que Kate culpabilise sur les calories avalées, son frère s'inquiète d'avoir détruit sa carrière. Il déprime et ne sait pas quoi faire de sa carrière. Kate lui suggère de tenter sa chance à Broadway, mais comme il ne sait pas chanter, la suggestion de Toby de faire de la porno lui semble plus intéressante. Kate et Kevin se rappellent ce que leur père disait, quand ils ont des problèmes.

[1980 - À l'hôpital]

Jack regarde ses deux bébés à la pouponnière lorsqu'un homme se met à lui parler. Il lui dit qu'il est pompier et que quelqu'un a abandonné un bébé à la caserne. Il est juste à côté des deux enfants de Jack. Le pompier offre une cigarette à Jack, qui la refuse. La caméra change de plan, dévoilant ce qui se déroule derrière les deux hommes, démontrant que la scène se déroule dans le passé.

[2016 - Chez Kate]

Kate tente de réconforter Kevin en lui parlant de faire une limonade avec les citrons aigres que la vie met sur leur chemin.

[1980 - À l'hôpital]

Jack regarde les bébés avec un sourire semblant indiquer qu'une idée lui est venue.

[2016 - Chez Randall]

William reste pour la nuit. Beth lui apporte des serviettes propres. Il dormira dans la chambre d'Annie. On retrouve sur les murs de la pièce une affiche de The Manny, remise par son oncle Kevin.

[2016 - Chez Kate]

Kevin dort sur le divan, Kate lui apporte une couverture. On voit sur la table du salon, une photo réunissant Kate, Kevin et Randall. Toby et Kate échangnent leur premier baiser. Il l'entraine vers la chambre.

[1980 - À l'hôpital]

Jack est au chevet de Rebecca lorsqu'elle se réveille. Il lui annonce la nouvelle concernant l'enfant perdu. Elle pleure et il l'embrasse pour la réconforter.

 

[1980 - Chez les Pearson]

Trois bébés sont dans leur lit, chacun portant un tricot, cousu par la mère de Jack et sur lequel il est écrit The Big Three. Jack et Rebecca les regardent, tout sourire, en se prenant la main.

[Générique]

[Texte sur écran noir]

This is a fact:
According to Wikipedia, the average human being shares his or her birthday with over 18 million other human beings.
There is no evidence that sharing the same birthday creates any type of behavioural link between those people. 
If there is, Wikipedia hasn’t discovered it for us yet.

[Passage vers le titre : This Is Us]

 

[1980 - Pearson's home]

♪ Spirit of my silence ♪
♪ I can hear you ♪
♪ But I'm afraid to be near you ♪
♪ And I don't know ♪
♪ Where to begin ♪

Jack : Okay, I'm ready.

Rebecca: You promise you like your gift?

Jack : The towel? It's absolutely terrible.

Rebecca : Suit's on?

Jack : Yes, ma'am.

Rebecca : Your birthday suit.

Jack : Only one I've got. (chuckles)

Rebecca : I had to put the lingerie on top of my clothes.

Jack : I see that.

Rebecca : It wasn't a great moment for me.

Jack : Tradition is tradition.

Rebecca : Yeah. But I'm gonna go ahead and spare us both the seductive birthday dance this year.

Jack : I'm sorry, baby, but it's my birthday, and I would really, really like to see the dance.

Rebecca : (chuckles) Your funeral.

Jack : Mm-hmm. (scoffs)

Rebecca : Ready?

Jack : Mm-hmm. (huming, grunts)

Rebecca : (humming) You like it, right? (rire)

Rebecca : This is what you want. A little of that. A little of that, for you?

Jack : (laughing)

Rebecca : I will gag you dead with that towel.

Jack : Okay, okay. I'm quiet.

Rebecca : Come on.

[2016 - Kate's apartment]

♪ Amethyst and flowers on the table ♪
♪ Is it real or a fable? ♪
♪ Well, I suppose ♪
♪ A friend is a friend ♪

Kate : (sighs)

♪ And we all know ♪
♪ How this will end ♪

Kate : You suck.

 

[2016 - Randall's office]

♪ What is that song ♪
♪ You sing for the dead? ♪
♪ I see the signal searchlight ♪
♪ Strike me in the window ♪
♪ Of... ♪

Woman: Got a sec, boss?

Randall : Yeah. What's up?

Randall's co-workers: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday ♪

Randall : (quietly): Yeah...

Co-workers : ♪ To you ♪ ♪ Happy... ♪

 

[2016 - Kevin's bedroom]

♪ I forgive you, Mother, I can hear you ♪
♪ And I long to be near you ♪

Model #1: We love your show.

Kevin : Huh?

Model #2 : Do you want to dance?

Kevin : Uh-uh. No. But, um, you know, you go ahead.

Kevin : It's my birthday today. 36 today.

Model #1 : You don't look 36.

Kevin : Yeah, I do.

[1980 - Pearson's home]

Rebecca : ♪ Happy 36th birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy 36th birthday to you ♪
♪ I have triplets inside of me ♪
♪ I am Shamu ♪

♪ We all know how this will end ♪

Jack : Hey, Big Three, do you three know how much I love your mother? I mean, do you even have any idea?

Rebecca : (baby voice): Yeah, we do. Now shut up and let your fat-ass wife go to sleep.

Jack : No. No, no, no. Birthday tradition is birthday tradition. So close your eyes in there, kids, because Daddy's about to do some real terrible things to Mommy.

Rebecca : (Chuckles)

[2016 - Randall's office]

♪ I see the signal searchlight strike me ♪
♪ In the window ♪
♪ Of my room ♪

[2016 - Kate's apartment]

♪ Chimney swift that finds me ♪
♪ Be my keeper ♪
♪ Silhouette of the cedar ♪
♪ What is that song ♪
♪ You sing for the dead? ♪
♪ What is that song ♪

Kate : (shouts)

[1980 - Pearson's home]

Rebecca : (chuckles)

♪ You sing for the dead? ♪

Rebecca : How could you possibly want me right now?

Jack : In any state, my wife, you arouse me.

Rebecca : I bet I can make that go away.

Jack : There's nothing you can say that's...

Rebecca : My water just broke.

(Music stops abruptly)

Jack : Yep.

Rebecca : Yeah.

[2016 - Kevin's home]

(indistinct chatter)

♪ My hands to myself ♪
♪ Can't keep my hands... ♪

Kevin : You know when I think it all went wrong for me was 1986, second grade. They were sending the Challenger up into space. You remember the Challenger, right?

Model #1 : Yeah. With Sandra Bullock?

Kevin : No. Christa McAuliffe, right? She was gonna be the first teacher into space. She was actually gonna change the world. I don't know how, but you could feel that, you know? At least, in second grade, you could... you could feel it. Middle of the school day, the teacher brings in a TV, right? We're all just sitting there, watching the launch, a bunch of seven-year-olds just-just watchin'. And all of a sudden, boom! (gasps) The whole thing explodes. Little pieces of sweet Christa McAuliffe come raining down all over the state of Florida. It was awful. Maybe that's when I realized trying to change the world just leads to being blown up into little pieces all over Florida. Maybe that's how I wound up as the Man-ny.

(phone buzzing)

Kevin : It's my sister.

Kevin (on phone) : Kate?

[2016 - Kate's apartment]

 

Kevin : You... you didn't have any ice, so...

Kate : Well, this is a low point.

Kate : We're 36. We're officially late 30s. Like, we are deep in the threes.

Kevin : Yep.

Kate : (scoffs) How did I get here? Like, how the hell did I get here?

Kevin : Remember second grade, the Challenger explosion?

Kate : You have got to stop with the Challenger explosion.

Kevin : There's something there.

Kate : You're the only good thing in my life, Kev.

Kevin : I'm not that great. Come on.

Kate : I know. That's what makes it worse.

Kevin : (chuckles)

Kate : I had this... whole dream life that I envisioned for myself. A real career. I would marry a man like Dad. I would be a mom like Mom. But look at me, Kev. Like, I ate my dream life away.

Kevin : (sniffles) So what do you... what do you want me to say to you, huh? Wh-What... Give me the magic phrase, sis, to say to make you feel better and I'll say it.

Kate : Tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself. I don't know. Tell me to wake the hell up. Tell me, tell me to lose the damn weight.

Kevin : Quit feeling sorry for yourself. All right? That can start right now. Wake the hell up. And-and, you know... the... What was the... what was the third thing?

Kate : Lose the damn weight.

Kevin : You want to say that again?

Kate : I'm gonna lose the damn weight. (sighs) You are a lot smarter than you look.

Kevin : That's what Michael Bay told me.

[1980 - Hospital]

(indistinct chatter)

Rebecca : Oh, yeah.Thank you. (exhales)

Jack : Hey, do you realize me and the kids are gonna have the same birthday?

Rebecca : (chuckles) I know.

Jack : Yeah. Still, six weeks early is pretty early.

Rebecca : Yeah.I know. (exhales)

Jack : What the hell could this thing possibly be for?

Dr. K : It's for rectal examinations. That one's from the dirty pile.

Jack : Sorry.

Dr. K : Now, then, I'm Dr. Katowski, but you can call me Doc or Dr. K, which is what most people choose to do because it's folksy.

Rebecca : Oh, so you work with Dr. Schneider?

Dr. K : Take a breath for me, dear.

Rebecca : (exhales)

Dr. K : Deep breath, now. There you go. All right. You relaxed? Good, good, good. Dr. Schneider's appendix burst an hour ago. He just went into surgery. No, no, no, no, no. Now, stay with me.

Rebecca : Oh, God. No, I need Dr. Schneider 'cause he knows about...

Dr. K : Stay with me now. Between his screams of agony, Schneider brought me up to speed on everything concerning your case. I know all about these triplets, and I know that this is a high-risk pregnancy.

Rebecca : Yeah.

Dr. K : But everything's gonna be all right.

Jack : This is some kind of bad joke, right?

Dr. K : It is not, unfortunately. Now, sweetheart, I'm gonna get straight to your first concern. Look at me now. Look at me.

Rebecca : (panting)

Dr. K : Do you see me? I am 73 years old. You know what that means, don't you?

Rebecca : No.

Dr. K : That means I don't run wind sprints as fast as I used to, but my faculties are otherwise completely intact. There are days that I wish they weren't, because then I would retire and spend my remaining days doing something more glamorous than pulling eight-pound objects out of women's vaginas. But until that time, I keep showing up here every day. All right? I'm also aware that I'm a complete stranger to you, and this is the biggest moment of your life.

Rebecca : Yeah.

Dr. K : All right? Honey, listen to me, Yeah. I am the best of the best. And I swear to you, on the lives of my children and my grandchildren, that I am up to the task. All right?

Rebecca : Okay.

Dr. K : All right?

Rebecca : Thank you.

Dr. K : All right. Good. Now, which one of you's pregnant? Now, that was a bad joke, but you just continue to take those deep breaths...

[2016 - On set]

Warm-up guy : Let's see... let me see if any of my people are here. Let me take a little test. Sheket bevakasha! Jew! Jew! Jew! All right, hey! Come on!

Director John : And... action!

Crowd : (cheering and applause)

Kevin : Huh? Huh? What can I do to make you feel better, huh? You want me to breastfeed you? Would that make you feel better, if I breastfed ya?

Crowd : (laughter)

Kevin : Yeah? Here we go. Let's try to...

Crowd : (laughter, whooping)

Kevin : I'm-I'm sorry, guys. I need to cut. Uh...

Casey : Sorry, everybody. A little technical difficulty.

Warm-up guy : Who wants a T-shirt?

Crowd : (cheering)

Kevin : Hey, man.

Casey : What's up?

Kevin : I'm sorry. You know, I'm trying to understand, for my character, you know, um, are-are we suggesting, you know, that the Man-ny thinks a grown man can breastfeed a baby? Are we saying the Man-ny's got brain damage? 'Cause I could do a voice.

Casey : Kevin, I know you care. I know you care about the character.

Kevin : I do care about the character. Thank you.

Casey : I also know that you're a 30-something-year-old actor whose biggest previous role was a three-episode arc on Nashville. So say the line or find another job. Because trust me when I say that I'll have you replaced by Ryan Gosling, Ryan Phillippe, or Ryan Reynolds or any other handsome Ryan by the time you get to your car. And believe me, my ratings will go up.

Kevin : Ryan Gosling would never do this crap.

Casey : You are right, Kevin. Ryan Gosling would never do this crap. Remember that.

[2016 - Soccer Field]

Randall: Come on, Annie! Go get the ball, hon!

Annie : Hi, Daddy! Hi, sweetheart! There's the ball! You want to play soccer? It...

Beth : How's she doing?

Randall : Uh, I think she's saving it for the second half. How's about her?

Beth : Four boys crying and counting.

Randall : That's my little badass. Switch?

Beth : Switch.

Beth : Is that a... Aw.

Randall : French braid. Yes.

Beth : Over, under, back through, baby!

Randall : (laughs)

Annie : Hi, Mommy!

Annie : All right, well, she made a friend.

Randall : I found him. My father.

Beth : What? When?

Randall : I, uh... I hired a guy. It cost about 1,500 bucks. Now, I paid for it on the Amex. You're gonna see it. It's the personal Amex, not the business Amex.

Beth : I know, I don't care about the Amex.

Randall : I know.

Beth : So you're gonna...

Randall : No.

Beth : Why not?

Randall : Because she was a crack addict who died during childbirth, and he was the guy who left me at a fire station, probably because he couldn't think of anything more cliché.

Beth : So why'd you find him?

Randall : I don't know, Beth. I really don't know.

Randall : Oh! Go! Way to go, Tess!

Beth: Sportsmanship, baby!

[2016 - Outside Kate's House]

Kate : Excuse me. Do you mind?

[2016 - Meeting Room]

Tanya : ...and so, I said to myself, "Tanya, you have done what you have set out to do. You have lost the weight. And now you can help others be skinny like you."

(applause)

Tanya : So, who would like to share first?

Marsha : Every time I'm going on a diet, he sabotages me.

Woman #1 : Well, my husband found me eating out of the fridge in the middle of the night again the other night.

Man #1 : (sighs) I'm trying.

Paul : I'm not sabotaging you, Marsha.

Madison : I know I don't have the same issues as everyone here. But you guys don't know what it's like looking like me and carrying around that extra seven pounds in your midsection.

Woman #2 : For me, it was my mom. She never let us eat pizza. And so now, every time I see a pizza, (crying): I mean, I have to eat the entire thing. If this doesn't work, I might just have my stomach stapled and just be done with...

Toby : (laughs) (clears throat) I am sor... I'm sorry. (laughing) I was just... I was picturing the stapler. (chuckles) And it's... which is totally inappropriate. I apologize. I'm way fatter than you if it... means anything.

Kate : (chuckles)

Toby : Mmm, coffee. Hi. Boy, these people hate me.

Kate : You kind of crossed the line.

Toby : Yeah, you laughed.

Kate : That's because I live across the line.

Toby : Oh! (laughing) Okay. Toby.

Kate : Kate.

Toby : Yeah. Nice to meet you. So, you want to be fat friends?

Kate : (laughs) Sure. But I'm gonna lose the weight.

Toby : You know, I'm probably not.

Kate : Okay. I can't fall for a fat person right now.

Toby : Well... I guess I'll lose the weight then.

 

[1980 - Hospital]

Jack : Breathe, Bec. Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Deep breath, Bec. Deep breath, deep breath. Deep breathe, look at me, deep breathe. There you go.

Jack : There you go, almost done, almost done. There you go. Hey, there you go.

Rebecca : Baby, I'm sorry for anything I'm gonna say in the next two hours. I mean none of it.

Jack : You're gonna mean some of it.

Rebecca : Very little of it.

Jack : Fair enough.

Dr. K : I'm almost glad Schneider's appendix burst. I like you two. Now since I'm new here, I thought we might have a conversation now before things get more intense.

Rebecca : Yeah, that sounds nice. So, you said you have grandchildren?

Dr. K : Not that kind of conversation. Now. I know that Dr. Schneider talked to you about the positioning of the babies, and how complicated this delivery could get. I thought we should...

Jack : I'm sorry, no, we're not gonna have this conversation.

Rebecca : Jack, we need to have this...

Jack : We're not having this conversation because it's not gonna happen.

Dr. K : Well, we need to talk about...

Jack : We are walking out of this hospital with three healthy babies and one healthy wife.

Dr. K : Absolutely, but we still...

Jack : I have three cribs at our new home that we bought specifically for our three children to grow up in.

Dr. K : I understand.

Jack : My-my mother, my mother has already knitted three onesies. And she's a slow, no-talent knitter. It's also happens to be my birthday today, which tends to be a pretty great day in our house, a day when I get pretty lucky. So I'm gonna need everyone in this room to believe me when I say that only good things are gonna happen here today. Actually... I-I don't just want you to believe it. I want you to know it. Do you know it, baby?

Rebecca : I love you. Yeah, I know it. I know it.

Jack : Do you know it, Doc?

Dr. K : I know I like you. Let's just start there, get you what you want.

Jack : Okay.

[2016 - Randall's office]

Randall : Hey, clear my afternoon?

Woman (over intercom): But sir, what about...?

Randall : Thanks.

[2016 - William's door]

(Buzzer sounds, pounding on door)

William: Yeah, yeah. Stop all that banging, I heard you the first time, banging on the door. Who the hell is...

Randall : My name is Randall Pearson. I'm your biological son. 36 years ago you left me at the front door... No, hold on, just let me say this. 36 years ago you left me at the front door of a fire station. Now, don't worry, I'm not here because I want anything from you. I was raised by two incredible parents, I have a lights out family of my own, and... that car you see parked out in front of your house? Cost $143,000 and I bought it for cash. I bought it for cash because I felt like it, and because I can do stuff like that. Yeah, you see, I turned out pretty all right. Which might surprise a lot of folks considering the fact that 36 years ago my life started with you leaving me on a fire station doorstep with nothing more than a ratty blanket and a crap-filled diaper. I came here today so I could look you in the eye, say that to you, and then get back in my fancy-ass car and finally prove to myself, and to you, and to my family who loves me, that I didn't need a thing from you, even after I knew who you were.

William : You want to come in?

Randall : Okay.

[2016 - William's appartment]

Randall : So is there something you want to say to me? 'Cause otherwise, I really need to get going.

William : You want me to say something?

Randall : No, I told you, I don't want anything from you.

William : But you're here.

Randall : Just to tell you that.

William : Well... I've been told.

Randall : You know what? If you're just gonna sit here making excuses...

William : Didn't make any excuses.

Randall : Because there's nothing you can say.

William : Didn't say anything for just that reason. Seems to me you want me to try to make amends so you can say, "Screw you," and storm out of here.

Randall : That's ridiculous.

William : Okay. I'd like to say I remember that day, but... I barely do. I'm clean now, finally, but... I was on the streets then. I remember her dying, your mom, remember the baby. I'd like to say I remember leaving you at a fire station, but I don't. Not an excuse. In fact, it probably tells you something about me that I don't remember. I do like fire stations, though, so that sounds like something I'd do if I had to do something, you know? Anyway, I don't know if that's what you're looking for, but either way, you can be sure this life of mine is punishment enough for the things I've done.

Randall : If you think I'm gonna forgive you...

William : I don't.

Randall : No, you were right. I did just want to say, "Screw you," and storm out of here.

William : Well, go ahead.

Randall : Screw you.

William : Yup.

 

Randall : You want to meet your grandchildren?

William : I'll get my coat.

[2016 -Backstage]

Alan : Hey, kid.

Kevin : Hey. Alan. All right. Hey, thanks for doing this, man.

Alan : Oh. I really appreciate it. Oh, please. No thanks necessary. Trust me: they're paying me an absolute fortune. (Chuckles)

Kevin : I'm sure.

Alan : Great scene for you, by the way.

Kevin : You know?

Alan : Yeah.

Kevin : Tell ya what, when the prick wants to, he can actually write.

Alan : Yeah. Well, I'll see you out there on the playing field.

Kevin : All right.

Alan : Break a leg, kid.

Kevin : Thank you, sir.

[2016 - On set]

Warm-up guy : Hey! Ladies and gentlemen, the great Alan Thicke!

Director John : And... action.

Alan: Oh, for God's sake, I'm just trying to lighten up the situation here.

Kevin : No, I get it. That's what you do, right? My lightweight dad.

Alan : Son...

Kevin : Don't call me "son." Just go. Just do your thing, get out of here.

Alan : Come on, son...

Kevin : I said don't call me "son." I-I look at that little girl, I would do anything for her. You understand? Y-You show me a train, I'll jump in front of it for her, no question. And she's not even mine. I mean, you... you mosey in and out of my life the past 30 years like the way you have, I... I don't understand that and I'll never understand you, so just get the hell out of here. Just get out. I want you to get out and this time, I want you to stay the hell out of my life, okay?

Alan : Son...

Kevin : Leave!

Director John : And cut!

(Audience applauds)

Kevin : All right, they must think we did it.

Alan : You did it.

Kevin : Thank you.

Alan : You were fa... you killed.

Kevin : Thank you for being here.

Alan : Excellent. Hey, may I have the envelope, please?

Kevin : Oh, come on. There, what are you doing, come on, get in here. See, I told you, right? I told you!

Casey : That's so good, Kevin.

Kevin : Oh... That felt good.

Casey : Now all we need to do is just take a quick whack at the alt pass, huh?

Kevin : Oh, come on, we don't need an alt pass, what are you talking about? Why would you... wh-wh-what, for what?

Casey : Kevin, come on, we talked about this.

Kevin : You know? I loved it... I-I wrote it, you know? But, um, we just got to, we got to get a lighter version. Come on. Let's get that alt. For me, okay? And, uh, lose the shirt. It's just better without the shirt.

Warm-up guy: I hope you're hungry, 'cause we got some pizza for you! Everybody loves pizza!

Kevin : All right...

Kevin : No, it's okay. No, no. Nobody be alarmed. Nobody be alarmed, this isn't a real baby. This baby can't feel a thing, because everything's fake! God forbid we have real emotion in this show. What do we got here? We got a real suitcase. Finally, we got something real. Oh, no, we don't! Look, there's nothing in the suitcase! Where the hell are you going, Alan Thicke?! And what the hell are you gonna wear, when you get there?! Huh? He's got no clothes in the suitcase! You know what it is, I'm starting to think about things now. It's actually... Casey, it's not your fault, brother. It's not the writer's fault this show is so bad. And it's so bad! It's not the network's fault for airing it! It's you guys! Why are you watching this stuff? It's your fault for demanding so little of us that we settle. I can't feel my face right now, but you know what? I knew exactly what this job was when I took it. Shame on me for taking the money! Shame on you for making me famous! Shame on all of us!

Casey : That's enough. Hey...

Kevin : What are you...? (Laughing): I'm not gonna hit you, man. I'm not gonna hit you! What do you... you think I'm some kind of animal?! I'm just gonna go nuts?! Listen, Ryan Gosling may not do this crap, and neither will I. I quit... I quit.

Kevin : Great working with you, man. I'm a huge fan.

Alan : Yeah, that was a lot of fun.

[1980 - Hospital]

Dr. K : All right, Rebecca, one more big push, now. There you go... Keep pushing!

Jack : Come on, Bec.

Dr. K : All right! All right. First male is out, and he is looking good!

Jack : You hear that, baby? We got a boy! We got a boy! (laughs) We got a boy!

Dr. K : All right. Thank you, ma'am.

Jack : Baby?

Rebecca : Something's not right. : There's something's not right.

Nurse: Doctor?

Dr. K : Some oxygen for her, please? Rebecca? You've done real good, sweetheart, but we need to let you get some rest right now and let's see if I can't take it from here, okay?

Jack : I'm sorry, what's happening?

Dr. K : I'm gonna have to go in for the other two, people, let's go. Your wife is in distress, Jack. Now, right now, you just need to trust me and get the hell out of my way.

Jack : No, wait, but I'm...

Dr. K : Get him out of the room, now.

Nurse: Stat.

[2016 - Randall's Home]

Randall: Guys? (laughs)

Annie and Tess : Daddy!

Beth : Hey, babe, I need you to help Annie with her homework...

Randall : (sighs) Guys... this is your, uh... William. This is William.

Annie : Hi.

Tess : Hi.

William : William Hill.

Beth : Hi. I'm Beth. I'm sorry. I'm Beth.

William : It's a pleasure meeting you, Beth.

Beth : Mm.

Annie : You have a hole in your pants.

Beth : Annie!

William : (laughs) Oh, that's okay. I actually do. (chuckles) Hey, isn't that what the kids do to be cool? They put holes in their pants, right?

Tess : Not like that.

William : (laughs) Well, here I was, thought I was being cool. Wait, what if I do this? Yo, what's going...

Tess and Annie : (laughs) No.

William : My, my, my, you must be Tess.

Tess : Yes.

William : I hear you play soccer...

Randall : I should have called. I didn't know how to say it out loud.

Beth : So, you just...

Randall : I... I have no explanation, baby. Like, everything I want to say or do around this man, I do the opposite. It's like a bad sitcom. It's like an episode of The Man-ny or What's Happening!! (Stifling laugh) He left me at a fire station and I invited him into our home. (Laughing)

Beth : Oh, my God, baby, you're cracking up.

Annie : Daddy? What's happening?

Randall : What's happening? (whispers): What's happening? (snorts, laughs hysterically, sighs loudly)

[2016 - Restaurant]

Kate : (laughs) You're not serious.

Toby : I am.

Kate : Wait, Sally Field?

Toby : Yeah. I have a thing Mm. for Sally Field. Sue me.

Kate : She's, like, 60.

Toby : 60 is the new sexy. You didn't know that?

Kate : Mm-mm.

Toby : Mm. And when she turns 70... (groans, laughs) Look out, Sally is gonna peak in her 70s.

Kate : (chuckling) Mm-hmm.

Toby : I promise you.

Kate : Yeah...

Waiter: Can I interest you in dessert?

Kate : Oh, no thanks.

Toby : Yes!

Kate : No.

Toby : Yes.

Kate : No.

Toby : Yes.

Kate : No!

Toby : Yes. He was just asking If he could interest us in dessert. I am saying that he can. I am very interested in dessert. I am utterly fascinated by dessert. Dessert is my life's work. So... We will just have the check, please. Thank you.

Kate : Thank you.

[2016 - Kate's Door]

Toby: I don't normally like risotto, but if you put it in a ball form, and-and deep fry it, I can eat, like, a thousand of them.

Kate : (Laughs) I had a really nice time tonight, Toby. Thank you.

Toby : Yeah. Wait, what? No, no, no. What, that's it?

Kate : What do you mean?

Toby : I mean, you're not gonna invite me in for a... a nightcap or... a handy or something?

Kate : (Chuckles) Cute.

Toby : I am. Thank you. I did have a really nice time tonight.

Kate : Okay. You can come inside for a water. (Chuckling) A water.

Toby : Uh-huh.

Kate : We have already had our six ounces of wine.

Toby : I know. 150 calories per six ounce.

Kate : Ooh.

Toby : Yeah.

Kate : You keep counting calories, and you're gonna really turn me on.

Toby :Yeah.

Kate : Hmm.

Toby : You want to know how many, uh, calories are in a sausage?

[2016 - Kate's Appartment]

Kate: (laughs) Is... but is it even legal?

Toby: No. Not in this country.

Toby : Do you want to fool around?

Kate : (stammers): I don't.

Toby : Ah.

Kate : Uh...

Toby : Okay.

Kate : No, I... No, I-I do. It's just been a long time since this has even been an option.

Toby : Hey. I know, I know.

Kate : Um, you don't. I am 36. And, um... this... (giggles) ...is not a very pretty picture.

Toby : It's okay.

Kate : No, it's...

Toby : Hey, it's okay.

Toby : Hey!

Kate : Kevin, what the hell?

Kevin : Why don't you answer your phone?

Kate : Uh... I was on a date.

Toby : Yeah, hi.

Kevin : (exhales) Oh... This is... this is the funny fat guy from fat class?

Toby : Hi. Uh, yeah, it's Toby, and it's a support group, but yeah.

Toby : Holy... Wait, are you the Man-ny?

Kevin : Yes, I am, Toby. (laughs) I... I was.

Kate : Wait, what?

Kevin : You didn't check your phone, Twitter, Facebook, nothing?

Kate : Why? Wha...?

Kevin : Well, you should. Becau...

Kate : Okay, what is hap...

Kevin : What is happening? I want you to know you would've been proud of me, okay? I was the picture of artistic integrity.

Toby : Could we do one without your shirt on?

Mario Lopez on television : Well, the big news in Hollywood today is, of course, the Man-ny's on-set meltdown.

Kevin on television : Think about this, I'm like, you know, it's actually not the writer's fault that this show is so awful.

Toby : Wow. I actually kind of feel bad for Alan Thicke.

Kevin : Yeah.

[1980 - Hospital]

Dr. K : Rebecca's vitals are good. She's gonna be asleep for a little while, but she's doing fine. We're monitoring her closely.

Jack : Okay.

Dr. K. : We lost the third baby, Jack. I'm-I'm very sorry. (sighs) The, uh... second baby is a girl, very strong. The third baby was a little boy, but the, uh, umbilical cord was cutting off his oxygen. He was stillborn. Nothing anybody could've done.

Jack : I'm sorry, I'm... I'm not processing anything. (sniffles) My wife?

Dr. K : Is fine. And she'll be awake pretty soon. You have two beautiful, healthy children, Jack. Boy and a girl. But we did lose the third child.

Jack : I need to be with my wife.

Dr. K : And you will be. But she needs to sleep now. But soon. You just sit down. Sit. Sit. Okay if I keep you company a second?

Jack : Yeah.

Dr. K : (sighs) Okay if I... try and say something meaningful?

Jack : Yeah.

Dr. K : I lost my wife last year. Cancer. That's the reason I still work so much at my age. Just... trying to pass the time. (chuckles) We were married 53 years. Five children, 11 grandkids. But we lost our very first child during the delivery. The reason I went into this field, truth be told...I have spent five decades delivering babies. More babies than I can count. But there is not a single day that goes by that I don't think of the child I lost. And I'm an old man now. I like to think that because of the child that I lost, because of the path that... that he sent me on, that I have saved countless other babies.

Jack : Yeah.

Dr. K : I like to think that maybe one day you'll be an old man like me...talking a younger man's ear off, explaining to him how you... took the sourest lemon that life has to offer... and turned it into something resembling lemonade. If you can do that, then you will still be... taking three babies home from this hospital. Just... maybe not the way you planned. I don't know if that was meaningful or senile, but I thought it ought to be said. Your wife'll still be asleep for a little while. Go see your babies. They're excited to meet their father. I think maybe they got a good one.

[2016 - Randall's home]

Randall : Sorry. Just had to put the girls down.

William : These people, they're your...

Randall : My parents. Well, my adopted. They're my parents.

William : You've been with them your whole life?

Randall : From the start. A fireman found me. He took me to the hospital, and they were there. They said it felt meant to be. Just one of those lucky breaks, I guess.

William : A fire station. (Chuckles) Gee, what a thing to have done. I should get going.

Randall : Maybe we could have you by every once...

William : No, I don't think that's necessary.

Randall : It's no pressure.

William : I just... It's just that I'm... I'm dying, is all.

Randall : You're sick?

William : Dying, not sick. Sick was months ago. I'm toward the end, fortunately.

Randall : Uh... I don't know what to say.

William : No, there's nothing to be said. It was a kindness you've shown me, letting me meet them. Your dad must've been very proud of you.

[2016 - Kate's appartment]

Kate : I cannot believe that I'm drinking these calories.

Kevin : Since I just torpedoed my career, I think you can afford an extra, you know, 100 calories or whatever.

Kate : 150.   /  Toby : It's 150.

Kevin : What if I'm not better than The Man-ny? What if I am exactly "Man-ny good"? I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Kate : Broadway.

Kevin : Can't sing.

Toby : Porn.

Kevin : Yeah, maybe.

Toby : I'm gonna get some more of this red. (grunts)

Kevin : I'm in so much trouble. I am screwed.

Kate : Listen, okay, Kevin... Do you remember what Dad used to say? When something crappy would happen to us?

[1980 - Hospital]

Kate : Whenever we'd get down, whenever we felt like life wasn't going our way?

Joe : Which one's yours?

Jack : Um... those two.

Joe : Congrats! Twins. Wow.

Jack : How about you? Which one's yours?

Joe : None of 'em, actually. Strangest damn thing. Someone left a newborn at my fire station. I didn't know what to do, so I brought him here.

Joe : Smoke?

Jack : No. Thank you.

Joe : Life's strange. Congratulations.

Jack : Thank you.

[2016 - Kate's appartment]

Kate : Come on, Kev. You remember. (exhales) What did he say? About the lemons? (chuckles) Hmm? "There's no lemon...

Kate and Kevin : "...so sour...

Kevin: ...that you can't make something resembling lemonade."

[2016 - Kate's appartment]

Toby : Good. Now that's out of the way.

♪ Touch me in your own sweet way ♪
♪ Feel me tremble ♪
♪ When you take my words away ♪

♪ All of the time ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ Say it in mine ♪

 

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